Trying and Trying and Trying to Not

How trying tends to stir the pot

You know when you chase an idea but really it feels like the idea is chasing you?

I think Hey I thought of you and it replies Hey I’m thinking of you, so I start to run because I was standing in the past but it’s coming at me right now and sometimes I’m scared by love. It kind of rushes me to remind a touch of urgency, maybe it’s trying to reserve a place in my memory, really lock it in because forgotten is really just another way of saying gone. Can fleeting get tired of always having to say goodbye?

Once it grabs hold, I’m trapped by what I’ve released.
You better say something.

I speak out and in, I talk and talk and talk and talk, so many ideas running free that need to be caught. I write it all down then type it all down then voice record then dictate to text then talk and talk and talk and talk. It simply gets bigger, growing and grabbing whatever’s around, pulling telephone poles down and eating blocks of forest, but always coming back to sleep inside. Destructive forces require rest too.

Resetting, rest setting, resetting, rest setting.

Hang on and direct, hold on be direct, too much and too many since too many can’t fit into so much and the method is lost, it’s too much. Remember the formulas they form you late and leave so many behind and I feel so much.

What’s the resistance, why are you scared? I want me let go, released to the air.
I’m trying, I’m trying, I’m trying, you fuck, I’m trying and trying but having no luck.

I love you, I love you, for thinking of me,
Without you I could not, I would never be.
Forever, and ever, and ever we link,
A life lived together in only a blink.
I love you, I love you, for thinking of me.

Just an idea.

I thought receiving gratitude was light, ephemeral, maybe feathery to the touch, mostly empty space with a dusting of smile, an expansion that builds on it’s own gravity… not this one. This bit becomes burdensome. I’ll accept it with a no problem an all good, but what I mean to say is You’re stressing me out and Your devotion makes me anxious because it has started to take me down into the debts where I should not be deserving, where I owe expectation an explanation but all that follows is expletive, where best is worse and can always be better it can always be better it can always be better.

Such pressure to perform. Where’s my gas station honey packet?? I mean, is it even possible to smother someone who already can’t breathe? Ah hell, I need space but not the empty kind, all I keep getting is the empty kind and the bonus feature seems to be a blank page. Scratch that, it’s full of scratch thats. Nope, scrap that scratch that and the refuse keeps piling up.

W0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0W.
This used to be fun. I remember when. I remember fun. When this used to be.

Fun.
Try to have fun. Oof, that’s not gonna play out well.
Trying doesn’t age well anyway. Remember when the reacting nose scrunched to the sour scent of trying and released the response? Remember?

Failure, now that’s ripe for aging. Ferment a little focus from that failure and the sediment is just aggregate trying; toss all that dead and dying away and consider the flavor. Oh the nuance! Doesn’t everyone just LOVE nuance?? If only I could bottle nuance I’d flood the market and watch the rise in overflow cripple the decision to make.

You see where I think the direction is taking me?

Stop trying so hard was once the insult, now it’s the gateway into the realm that realizes and reckons rebirth. Weren’t there always three R’s in school?? Realizing, reckoning, rebirth. Yeah, no, it was more like remedy, rehab, relapse. Then the collapse then the collapse, and you’re left to wonder and wonder and wonder and wonder where it all went wrong.

What’s the point? The point is the tip.
Trying is only trying if you think that it’s trying.

Ever try to be your self? Try to work harder? Try to write something smart and it never gets smarter? Try to be nice, try to be kind, try to see someone for only their mind? Or you can try to focus and I’ll try to clear my head then we can try to come together and try to be fine.

What a mess all this trying tends to make. Makes my ass tired. Maybe I should try and get some sleep.

How’d the lyric go, I Tried It My Way??
Genius.