In Amusing Ourselves we focused on the idea that our attention is essentially how we worship — What you focus on is what you choose to worship.
As a result of how much time and attention we devote to technology, it may be a good idea to establish some boundaries for that relationship.
I’m no authority on this subject —
I don’t have an active cell phone. I use an old phone as a music player and leach off the slew of available Wifi signals that surround us all when I need to send a message. This started as a youthful off-the-grid-inspired decision that quickly became an advantageous habit about which many have expressed their jealousy (though I think most people just need to learn how to step away and actually be away — you don’t want to, nor need to, follow in my footsteps).
I’m terrible about consistently doing anything on my computer (just look at how inconsistent my articles can be).
And my general desire to consume is focused on new music and movies (and FAIL videos, naturally).
As a result, my relationship with technology is distanced, to say the least.
When it’s cold outside my iPhone 6S battery cannot withstand any low temperatures and quickly surrenders itself to the OFF position. The rest of the time it’s playing music and podcasts or taking a picture of something that reminded me of a loved one.
My computer has an assortment of reading I’ve been meaning to get to, but I find that holding a book gives me greater joy than scrolling. As a result, I read in bed and sleep rather soundly most nights, while my electronic reading list continues to grow.
So, since I’m clearly not qualified to preach about the difficulties of creating space between yourself and technology, I found others who are helping address the issue.
Helping Hands
My favorite human addressing this issue is Dr. Alok Kanojia.
He’s the brain behind Healthy Gamer.
I listened to his interview on Modern Wisdom #628 and gained a lot of useful information.
He has some really cool suggestions for addressing tech-addiction and the like:
Stop taking your phone into the bathroom.
Don’t get caught up in the virtual world to the point where you’re sacrificing your existence in the real world.
Men, when you’re choking your chicken, take it easy!
No joke, that is one of his suggestions, and it’s very valid.
Men who don’t have sex with a partner and primarily masturbate need to pay attention to the amount of pressure they’re exerting upon their penis.
If your penis is used to having the life squeezed out of it and that’s what gets you off, then how can an actual real, anatomical vagina or butthole live up to that pressure1?
For all of those wondering why men (and women I guess?) masturbate so much I propose a theory here: orgasm is a moment of freedom from your life.
An orgasm allows you to literally stop thinking about all else and focus on the experience in that moment2. You ever tried to talk about something that’s unrelated to the sexual act being committed whilst cumming?
Jim Carrey highlighted this idea way long ago.
All Those Dopers
Dr. K gets into a lot of interesting relationship dynamics between ourselves and technology without the doomsayer, shit-is-outta-hand attitude. He understands that the world is changing and we simply need to find new ways of navigating it.
Maybe you don’t like taking advice.
Maybe authority brings the teenage angst out of you and destroys all desire to listen.
Maybe you’ve got to go it alone.
I feel you.
Then do it yourself.
But you’ve got to stop giving in.
A lot of this conversation is focused on dopamine and for good reason — dopamine makes us feel good as hell. Gaining control over your ways-of-being involves dopamine, but don’t get caught in the sprays of bullshit concerning dopamine fasting.
You can’t fast from dopamine.
It’s a naturally occurring neurotransmitter that kicks on for reward, motivation, learning, and pleasure. Harvard Health has a quick, useful article about this.
Dr. Sepah is the one behind the term dopamine fast.
Sepah couldn’t have foreseen the misinterpretation and scientific-hijacking of his useful idea.
Apparently there are fasters of dopamine out there avoiding interactions with people in order to prevent the natural release we feel interpersonally.
Stupid.
The intention of dopamine fasting is to give yourself an opportunity to be with yourself. It’s meditation and mindfulness and simply taking the time to step away from the tech-driven stimulation orgy we’re so familiar with.
You know, taking a break from all that impulsive stuff we enjoy (social media, binge watching television, etc.).
The moment you step away is the moment you return to the actual, real world. The tangible reality there is absolutely no escape from as of yet.
In a roundabout way everyone is kind of preaching the same thing, whether backed by actual science or just some hijacked scientific terminology — learn to be with yourself.
Learning To Be With Yourself
But it’s so easy to look at and accuse your phone or computer or Alexa and talk shit about it. Tell it how much of your time it has wasted and to stop listening and recording all of your conversations without your consent.3
We choose to run away from opportunities to be with ourselves. Even 1916 was full of people entertaining themselves. Nothing new about our tendency to take the convenient route…
What makes this conversation truly obnoxious is the perceived powerlessness we feel around self-control and self-regulation. This is probably part of the reason why an idiotic term like adulting has gained so much traction.
We complain about screen time reminders and how easy it is to piss away hours of the day watching TikTok, while a moment spent alone in silence is frequently perceived as boring.
How the hell is being alive boring?
It’s scientifically fascinating and existentially terrifying, with a touch of ever-changing that always keeps you on your toes.
That’s goddamn entertainment.
Most importantly, technology is here to stay and may potentially continue to consume our lives until we’re completely reliant on it (maybe finally experiencing some of that T2 night terror stuff) .
I don’t think things are that bad.
Dudes just need to take it a little easier when (literally) choking the chicken, and for those that masturbate appropriately just get in the habit of devoting some time away from technology everyday.
Small changes make way for bigger changes that turn into habits.
Consider chilling out on the porn too.
It may seem harmless to sit in your room jacking-off to beautiful bodies, but the dark underbelly is much different.
As a pubescent and into my teenage years I had a small collection of downloaded favorites (a curated spank bank) that kept me pleased. I kept the variety down because the more familiar one becomes with anything, the easier it is to find your favorite part.
With absolutely no teenage foresight I did myself a massive favor.
I watched the same bodies and became familiar with them. Once I entered a serious relationship it was easy to continue desiring sex from the same person, over and over again.
I imagine the act of ceaselessly watching new, unknown bodies tells your brain something about partnering. Maybe it visually suggests that change is exciting and enticing and exactly what you desire. Then you’re forever reaching for the fresh, unfamiliar, shiny thing. And only a new face and body get the blood flowing.
Not good.
And if that’s not enough to persuade you, then try this article about what porn does to the brain.
Here are just a few things porn can do:
Increase in depressive symptoms
Decrease sexual ability and arousal
Decrease marital quality 4
Porn messes with your prefrontal cortex, which is where your impulse control is located. Watch enough porn and it starts to rot your brain in a very interesting way — your brain becomes more juvenile.
What a way to digress.
I guess it’s better than all the 8th grade threats I heard about developing hairy palms.
Choose Your Struggle Well
It’s easier to get the things you want than it is to decide you don’t need them.
I don’t know who said the above quote, but it’s one of the greatest sentences I’ve heard and read.
I’ve tried to embody this philosophy whenever possible and it has helped me stay focused on the ideas I find most important. I focus my attention on things that build and challenge because without adversity we tend to turn into enemies of ourselves.
A struggle must exist in your life.
If you’re not given one you’ll quickly create one for yourself.
And some struggles are easier to deal with than others.
Choose struggles that teach and reveal your self.
If you’re addicted to porn then struggle in its absence. If you can’t stop watching FAIL videos then struggle with meditation or a breathing exercise. If silence is daunting and leaves you feeling disgusted then struggle with what you feel when you’re silent.
Here’s one for lots of folks — struggle with being cordial and accepting.
It’s not like you know everything. Neither do I. Let’s be ignorant with a smile.
These are struggles that develop who you are as an individual just by allowing some space to think and feel.
Most people seem to have a general idea of who they want to be and how they want to show up. We don’t hear children answer the question what do you want to be when you grow up? with I want to be an unfair asshole full of bitter judgement and crippling despair when pondering the real world.
But our thoughts are very different from our actions. And now the digital world has a way of breaking us down into what it’s easiest to be (read: assholes).
You may have noticed the fascinating juxtaposition that happens when someone preaches about a way of being as if they believe in it and then completely ignores the embodiment of it. Or the blatant willingness to disregard the humanness of someone with an opposing viewpoint. Case in point — assholes.
We’re just a bunch of chemical reactions and no single neuroreceptor can be blamed… but I’ve this little hunch that taking small bits of control back from dopamine might be helpful to most human beings living today.
So follow the mice.
Dopamine and the Individual
A 2018 National Library of Medicine study took mice and placed them into an environment called Souris City, where the (all male) mice lived in large, social groups.
The researchers came to the conclusion that dopamine (released during social interactions) plays an integral role in developing individuality.
Some of the tests —
Check for different personality profiles by monitoring specific behaviors over time.
Change the territorial organization in order to show consistency in personality profiles.
Mix and match different personality types to see what changes occur.
The last one was my favorite.
The researchers took two groups and separated them into high switch rate (Highest SW) and low switch rate (Lowest SW)5.
The two groups of Low SW were placed together and the two groups of High SW were placed together. After another 3 weeks of testing the previously homogenous groups (Low Group and High Group) were diversified again (both Low and High found in each).
The behavior patterns of the mice were flexible. The ways the mice acted was majorly decided by their social interactions and the dopamine pathways that resulted from those interactions.
Ergo, social relationships shape individual behavior and affect decision-making systems6.
Of course this is all relative to mice and can easily be dismissed as such. I mean we humans are such complex organisms that there is no way this research will be directly applicable to humans. But everything starts somewhere7.
What this research suggests to me is that you’re not necessarily most like the 5 people closest to you (a stupid idea anyway), but more so those 5 people influence your individual behavior and decision-making system.
Just because all your friends are loud jackasses doesn’t mean you’re a loud jackass, right? It’s fun to be around idiots. And watching said idiots may prevent you from committing the same acts of dumbass-ness and cretinism, which is a hell of a leg-up in the end. All the laughs without the pain.
I tend to be quiet and reserved, for the most part, but I have had my share of loud, obnoxious, imbecilic friends. I can’t say those friendships were more or less worthwhile, but what I can say with the utmost sureness is that many of the stories I enjoy sharing feature those magical morons.
Take the Power Back
Here’s what you now know —
Dopamine runs major parts of your life.
Your social interactions decide how your dopamine pathways function.
Your individuality is developed through your social interactions.
Genitals are not a good marker for grip strength.
What all of this tells me is that the time you spend alone is incredibly important.
Time alone is the truest opportunity to discover, uncover, and dig into your self.
Is it easier to PornHub or watch whatever everyone is raving about right now?
Of course it is but it’s short-term satisfaction.
The long game is a difficult one to play, however, its rewards are a bounty unmatched.
I thank my teenage self for his reasonability when approaching pornography.
I appreciate my history with self-destructive, deranged friends who unwittingly gifted me countless stories to share, and presumably shaped my decision-making system.
But most of all I treasure all the time I’ve spent alone wondering and breathing to try and discover who I can be and what it might mean.
The unknowns are always endless but so are the possibilities.
You are a combination that is individually you and only you can find what feels right. People can make suggestions, some may alter your dopamine pathways, but the navigation of it is still yours.
Try not to get too caught up in a world that isn’t real.
Consider the difference between what you want and what you need, and set goals with that in mind.
Find ways to step away from the technological takeover tightening it’s grip around our attention.
Try to leave yourself a little bit of room.
Because rarely does the profound take up a lot of space.
Unless you only date kegel practitioners.
It’s NOW and nothing else.
During a 500-mile bicycle trip through Colorado and Nebraska I noticed the ability to use Maps on an iPhone whilst surrounded by blue skies, cattle, and barren county highways. No Wifi signal to speak of and Maps always knew my location.
A quick solution for this is to watch porn together… duh.
Switch rate (SW) is how likely a mouse is to make a different decision than the time before — think opened Door 1 and got nothing, does the mouse switch to Door 2 (high switch rate) or open Door 1 again (low switch rate).
Another fascinating piece was that mice who experienced repeated social defeat had strong and long-lasting changes in dopamine pathways. This led to social withdrawal of the defeated individual. Sounds like a bullying PSA…
Unless you’re Paolo Macchiarini who literally sidestepped animal studies for trachea transplants and went straight into human testing.
His “research” killed 7 of the 8 transplants, but the eighth might be dead by now. Watch Bad Surgeon to get a rather gruesome rundown of everything this maniac did — multiple families, lots of lies, and bits of manipulation here and there.
For those unfamiliar with the scientific process, animal research involves mice, pigs, monkeys, whatever seems most applicable to the research being conducted, so that the suffering of human beings is minimized. I’m not saying animal testing is ideal, nor that we are the end-all, be-all of the Earth and should have full reign over all animals, but when you watch an animal suffering versus a human being, well, it’s much different.