This topic is open to a lot of semantical squabbling about the etymology of the words habit and routine and ritual, or what the proper application of each word may potentially permit to prosper, or, better yet, the epistemology of these ideas (habit, routine, and ritual) and what the real and illusory states of experience might mean to us.
To this I say:
Ritual and habit and routine and anything else that falls under the general feeling one gets when considering this idea is essentially all aiming at the same target — completion of something.
Whether that something comes with a positive or negative effect is a completely different story.
I keep my understanding of habit, routine, and ritual simple.
You know those delightfully destructive habits you tend to playfully self-deprecate but in reality you’d offer up your right leg1 in exchange for control over them?
Those are easy. Effortless and requiring little awareness to complete.
Habits like —
Maybe some of this is true. Most of it is just crass and hilarious.
I’m fully aware that smoking is not the healthiest of habits, but nothing beats a hand-rolled Peter Stokkebye cigarette after jiu-jitsu practice or at the peak of a tedious, exhaustive mountain hike. Better yet, bring my European side out and make it a spliff.
And I’m sure there are plenty of successful people who sleep in. Or people who sit all day and aren’t fat. They probably just have a certain kind of understanding when it comes to what they’re doing. Some sort of perspective…
Something like — You are what you think you are.
A 2014 study looked at some incredible differences between people who saw eating chocolate cake as a reason to celebrate compared to those who saw it as a reason to feel guilt.
The simplified result —
Those who felt guilt when consuming cake were less successful at maintaining or losing weight over a 3 month period.
The study does make a lot of sense:
Stressing over what you’re eating will probably release stress hormones.
Feeling guilt about your food might result in shame or depressive thoughts.
All of that may leave you feeling helpless or a loss of control.
Mind over matter stuff.
Or maybe it’s more about balancing things out, kinda like everything in moderation, including moderation.
Better yet, merge these two concepts together.
Imagine for a moment, giving in to habits with a positive perspective. Think of it as a celebration. A reason to be elated.
Eat the cake, dude. Smoke a cigarette. Watch some reels.
And enjoy the shit out of the dopamine release you are about to be given FOR FREE.
THEN, balance that out with some WORK. Make it so you have to earn the dopamine next time.
Smoked a cigarette?2
Do some cardio and eat an expectorant3.
Sat around and watched reels while thinking about all the FOMO surfing around your brain?
Go for a walk, read a book, jump into cold water.
Ate fast food daily for the past 7 years?
Make a goddamn meal for yourself or call one of your talented friends and have them teach you how to make something other than ramen.
I’m a huge advocate for living life. Experiencing things. Embracing the chaos.
Sometimes that entails “destructive” behavior, so keep a positive perspective about it and don’t lose control4.
I’ve consumed oodles of questionable drugs and given in to countless impulses only to come out understanding myself better. And I attribute the majority of this (feeling of) success to my general (positive) perspective on things5.
And so, I have this imposing feeling that the way you think about things is important for more than just consumption habits.
Routine is going to be a little harder to chase than habit because it requires a conscious effort to complete it. And it’ll probably take some time to start liking it6.
Here’s a great routine to start your day —
Of course, you don’t have to do THIS routine.
Make one up and see how difficult it is to complete it. Everyday. Until you die.
It’s gonna take effort and awareness for this one.
In the case of routine, hold on to your bad attitude and keep doing the routine (see footnote 5). Do this until your Anterior Mid-Cingulate Cortex is so large that it changes the shape of your skull. You are now an advanced human being. Welcome.
I focus my routines around stuff that brings with it challenges and offers a bit of time to myself. Everywhere I have lived for an extended period of time (Chicago, Nashville, Denver) I have relied on commuting via bicycle. The repetitive motions of cycling offer me a physically tedious task (pedaling) while I think and organize my thoughts.
Another routine I enjoy is to read before bed. Reading before bed slows my mind down and prepares it for the nightly shutdown. Whilst reading I try to add a breathing exercise7 to calm my nervous system and send yet another signal that it’s time to rest.
Sometimes I wonder if there truly is a difference between routine a ritual. Maybe the difference is simply what you’re thinking and how you feel about either. Most of my routines feel habitual and holy — blurring all the lines.
So it would seem that routine is just the poor man’s ritual in a way.
Or is ritual the rich man’s routine?
Ritual is going to take time, awareness, and effort.
Ritual comes with more holy than habit and routine.
Maybe the holy aspect is where time ceases to exist? Maybe ritual is effort and awareness and the act of transcending time?
Not the stuff of social media and tech-inspired existence, I know, and that’s absolutely why ritual is necessary.
There is no shortage of people willing to tell you what rituals (and routines) you should start doing in order to change your life, and maybe some of them are on to something.
I’m of the Dr. Sheldon Kopp school-of-thought where If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, KILL HIM!, an old koan attributed to a ninth-century Buddhist monk named Linji Yixuan.
I see this statement in two ways —
Each individual’s path to enlightenment is unique and cannot be navigated by another. Your pilgrimage into yourself is exclusively and uniquely yours.
Your perception of someone (in this example the Buddha) is a created conceptualization. It is what you think of that person. Just the same, your perception of yourself is a conceptualization. Your conceptualizations are frequently incorrect.
The rituals you choose say something about the way you’re discovering and uncovering who you are. Rituals are what you seek, consciously or unconsciously, in your life.
Rituals are a way to worship.
I have a ritual of saying goodbye — in my head.
I say goodbye from both the perspective of my death and my loved one’s death.
A couple years ago, whilst working on my parent’s dream cabin with my father, I swung on the porch hammock and thought about the eulogy I’d deliver at my father’s funeral. I went through a torrent of emotions and came out smiling.
Just the same, I imagine myself getting a terrible prognosis and having the opportunity to face death with friends and family around me. In that moment I want to focus on the pain that is goodbye and how much I will miss my loved ones instead of the existential fear of entering the Unknown.
At that moment, to stop thinking of what must be and focus on the things that were because of me.
Another ritual I have is to begin writing an article and shortly after beginning my writing process, Ted Gioia releases an article on the same topic.8
After being notified that, once again, someone with followers and clout is writing on the same topic as me, I’ll take a step back and wonder how much of that is due to the unconscious collective’s conversation — where all these ideas are floating around but only certain ones get chosen. In that case I found it important enough to write about a topic that’s being discussed and considered by many others.
Adjustable expectations make for a flexible attitude.
Here’s how the holy part fits in for me — my routines don’t attempt to answer any greater questions of meaning or understanding, they’re just productivity cues.
My rituals offer a contemplative space where I can begin to accept and appreciate mystery (anything unknown to me). Each ritual is a sort of prayer that seeks to acknowledge something as holy.
And so through ritual I advance calmness and acceptance. It’s a process of easing into a thought-filled meditation9 without the expressed intent of meditating. And an intentional focus on what I’d like to worship and hold sacred, and where I want to place meaning.
My habits help me understand my will (power).
My routines prepare my mind and body for what each day offers.
My rituals prepare me for the hardships and struggles of life.
It’s kinda got a trickle-down feeling to it, doesn’t it?
Gain control over habits and get a taste for control over your impulsive, pleasure-seeking self.
Follow routines and feel empowered to actively participate in your life (read: live).
Practice ritual to find a meaning that makes sense to you.
All of this takes time.
I’ve never heard of anyone giving into hedonistic tendencies only to realize, in the midst of the swirling ecstasy, what is holy. It usually comes after they’ve crawled out of the well of despair, which comes after hitting rock bottom.
Your pilgrimage is uniquely yours.
What most don’t seem to consider is that, for the most part, we all arrive at the same conclusions.
It’s just a matter of picking how you want to get there.
For those without this appendage please be so kind as to replace right leg with whatever is appropriate for your situation.
Guilty
I remember hearing a story about a daughter taking her elderly mother to the doctor one day. The daughter had been trying to get her mother to quit smoking for some time, but the smoker in her mother didn’t care to change. As they drove to the doctor’s office the daughter was stressing about the number of packs her mother smokes daily, what kinds of diseases and cancers could come up, and how she’ll deal with it all.
They get to the doctor’s office, the elderly mother goes through her check up, and the doctor sits down across from the two of them. The daughter, prepared to receive the bleak prognosis, tells the doctor she’s been trying to get her mother to quit smoking but to no avail. The doctor asks the mother how many packs of cigarettes she smokes per day. The mother answers 2. Then the doctor asks What else do you do everyday? The mother says, I eat Tabasco.
Apparently the expectorant qualities in hot sauce are great for removing phlegm which helps clear up any build up in your throat and lungs.
Also, I would love to work out a sponsorship with Tabasco if possible. As a leisurely smoker, I can attest to, and would love nothing more than to show you, the phlegm that exits my body after a delicious swig of Tabasco. Ah, Tabasco.
Sells itself.
Losing and keeping control is an individual experience. I can’t tell you when you do and don’t have control, but you probably know yourself well enough to feel it out.
The answer is a quick search away, just enter Have I lost control? into your search engine and enjoy the WebMD-style rabbit hole you are about to fall into.
And being absolutely, without a doubt sure that whatever I’m doing is being done with regard to my own interests and not somebody else’s.
Doing things you don’t like is really good for you though. There’s a part of the brain called the Anterior Mid-Cingulate Cortex that controls will (like will power). The less enjoyable something is to do, the more beneficial that thing is for you. Do the thing you don’t enjoy and your Anterior Mid-Cingulate Cortex will grow and you’ll have better stories to tell.
Four-sided (AKA Box) breathing is so damn simple there’s no reason not to insert it into your life here and there. Before bed, during your commute, or while doom scrolling are all appropriate times to focus on your breathing.
I began writing THIS article and Ted Gioia released an article focused on ritual.
I don’t see meditation as prayer, hence the distinction. Meditation is a (present) moment with yourself, solely focused on your self. Prayer is an admittance of something greater than your self; a reaching for something you cannot begin to fathom but you reach for it anyway.
Once, I was warming up before jiu-jitsu class and a friend/training partner of mine began to wonder (out loud) about my perspective on religion. My answer began as most liberal arts students’ answers do: I was raised Roman Catholic, but…
The but is one of choosing where to place faith.
I do not place my faith in anything that resembles my own form. I explained to my friend that the only reasonable way for me to live is to uphold myself to the gods. To attempt to be god-like in every way possible and consider my failures an individual (and human) limitation. By trying to live up to the standard of God I challenge my innate humanity (which wants nothing more than to compete and win) to be love, be understanding, be forgiveness.
After all, isn’t mimicry the highest form of flattery?